Dear Jesus...

Every word I need to hear you say it

everyday!

Every hope I need to treasure you give it

everyday!

Every sorrow that makes me cry you take it

everyday!

You make my journey easier

everyday!

Overwhelmed!

Today I cried and cried with thankfulness and gratefulness to the Lord. I stood by the sliding glass door that looks out into the yard and I was overwhelmed with the goodness of Jesus and I broke into tears and cried. Last night I went to a church I have never been to before and three precious women laid hands on me and prayed for me and something happened to me. Something good--something very good! A huge weight dropped off of me. The thing that was hindering me for a long time is gone. I am overwhelmed. My heart is so full of gratefulness. I have been thinking all day about how wonderful Jesus is. How much adventure he has called me to. Choosing him as my best friend is the best decision I ever made. I am not tied down. I am free. Free to do what Heavenly Father has called me to do. Free to live. Free to breathe. Free to be who I am because of him. Unordinary! I am overwhelmed by the goodness of Jesus!

Confessions of a worrying woman....

Today I wasted a lot of time worrying. Worrying and beating myself up about decisions I have made in the past. Worrying and fretting and anxiously trying to reason out situations in my mind as if I can fix any of them. I worked myself into an emotional state complete with tears and extreme grief of spirit. I told myself that I had a right to grieve over my situation. Poor Jesus he had to witness me in that state of complete distrust and forgetfulness. I acted as though Heavenly Father had left and Jesus was no longer listening. I feel foolish writing this. I will tell you something about Jesus. He does not condemn me when I act like this , he lovingly waits for me to calm down so that I can hear what he has to say to my heart. That is what happened today. I did not get an answer till close to this afternoon because I was worrying out loud and I couldn't hear him. The answer came so softly. On top of that I received an email from a true friend who told me to stop thinking useless thoughts and go on in the grace of Jesus. I can't believe I am sharing this with the world but here it is. Tonight I received a devotional from Internet cafe and what do you think the scripture was?

Philippians 4:6-9

-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Jesus comforted me on every side. He said encouraging things to my heart. He sent me messages of peace through my precious friend and through the Internet cafe. He did not forget me. He patiently listened even when I was tempted to believe he was not listening. He listened and he answered me despite my doubting. In all my anxiousness Jesus never condemns me. We are best friends forever I'm sure you can see why! My prayer: Jesus please help me think about good things, wonderful things, things that make me happy. Help me to think only good when I think of people. Jesus take this silly worry and give me peace of mind. Help me to believe that I can trust you with my life and everything in it, even the messes. Thank you Jesus. **C

All consuming vision...

That treasured thing I gave up back in February, well I took it back for awhile. That treasured thing that I wanted so bad that I gave up to give all my time to this new assignment Jesus gave me to complete. That treasure started interfering again because I kept thinking about it. I kept thinking about him. Men can throw us women off completely at times. I gave the whole relationship to Jesus and I tried real hard to forget about him and go on. Everyday I kept thinking and I kept asking Jesus to help me keep my mind on other things. Jesus helped me by reminding me of the street children and orphans I had vision for in the past. He reminded me that I didn't think about them anymore. He asked me why I didn't believe anymore for the vision that he gave me. The vision where I take care of street children and adopt children from orphanages. The vision where I go and take or send supplies and money and things that the children need to the safe houses in India or the orphanages in Russia. The vision that before took up all my thoughts and energy, that vision. The vision that I put on hold and forgot about when I met that man and started dreaming about him instead. I believe he is a good man but he is not what I need right now. Friendship is what I want but somehow our hearts got twined around each other real tight and I don't exactly know what else to do but let this whole relationship go and devote myself to what Jesus has called me to do at this time. I laid my Issac on the alter so to speak. I almost know how Abraham felt. To give Yahweh the only son ,the child he loved and counted dear. To lay Issac his only child on the alter and offer him to Yahweh. Abraham did it he laid him down and gave him up and right at the final moment Yahweh stopped him and let him keep Issac. This man I love he is the only man I have ever loved. I do not want to love any other man. I have not let myself love any other man. I have laid my only love on the alter. The only man I ever felt like I would marry without a second thought, that man. I gave him up to Yahweh with this prayer, "Yahweh I give you this man. I want to do the thing you have called me to do. Because of this assignment I have accepted from you if I don't get to love him and marry him please send him a good wife that loves Jesus that will love him and his children also. Take good care of him, give him grace because I love his soul and his children and I want them all to be saved and live with you one day." The hardest prayer I have ever prayed! The ultimate prayer of letting go. The prayer where I asked Yahweh to give my treasure to another if that's what it takes to fulfill the vision Jehovah breathed into my life. There is pain my soul, I am missing him. I am hoping beyond all hope that there is a ram in the thicket and that I will get my beloved back. I am hoping like Abraham that Jehovah-jireh will provide a lamb. I have peace even with this pain. I have peace and freedom to dream and believe the vision. When that first child comes home from the orphanage, when another safe house is opened, when those supplies are safely inside the walls of the places where they need to be I will have more joy then I will know what to do with. I will celebrate , write about it, and tell everyone that Jesus is faithful and that the things He asks us to do are the things that lead to true happiness!

I gave my most treasured thing to Jesus finally!

Today is my birthday. This is the birthday I have waited a very long time for. When I was a little girl I looked forward to this birthday. Way back then I purposed in my heart that this would be the birthday that began the rest of my life. This would be the birthday where something great happened and I would finally be where I was supposed to be. I think my best friend had something to do with that purpose in my heart so long ago. Here I am. I have finally figured things out. I am where I'm supposed to be! This past week has been one of turmoil. I had to make some big decisions. I cried and discussed and pleaded and held on and Jesus kept holding out his hand so I could give him my most treasured thing. I held on as long as I could but I eventually surrendered it. I had always wondered if it came down to it would I choose Jesus first over everything I really, really wanted. Now I know that the answer is yes! I'm happy today because the pressure of holding on is gone and I am in for a nice adventure. Here I am with my best friend doing things in his time and I can say that I am truly at peace! I never dreamed that I could be so at peace about the whole thing. Now I know the meaning of: "Pursue first, the kingdom of heaven and the right things of Jesus and all these other things will be added to you." Right now I have decided to hang out with my best friend and help him first. The other thing I want to do is a good thing but it will have to wait. It's Jesus and me! I'm happy!

To my best friend Jesus

Jesus I want to thank you for helping me today and always. Thank you for holding me together. Thank you for giving me hope against all hopelessness. I am so happy so very happy. You have blessed me beyond measure and I see another blessing coming a very big one and my heart is overwhelmed with your goodness. This year you saved my life when I was actually dying. You taught me to open my hands and give you things that were harmful to me. You replaced my broken treasures with rare jewels, people who love you with all their heart and soul. People who give me so much joy that I can't imagine life without them. Thank you! My heart sings every morning. You have given me a job that I absolutely love. I am so happy about my job, thank you! When I think about how you forgive me for all the stupid things I do; and never condemn me for any of them, I am in awe of you. You absolutely love me and I know it all the time, thank you! How you could leave that wonderful place called heaven and come down here and dwell among us in this darkness to save our dusty bodies I will never be able to understand. You are my hope. Thank you for holding me together. You give me joy. You love me no matter what. You gave up your life so that you could save mine. I am in awe of you. Thank you my precious Jesus, thank you!