All consuming vision...

That treasured thing I gave up back in February, well I took it back for awhile. That treasured thing that I wanted so bad that I gave up to give all my time to this new assignment Jesus gave me to complete. That treasure started interfering again because I kept thinking about it. I kept thinking about him. Men can throw us women off completely at times. I gave the whole relationship to Jesus and I tried real hard to forget about him and go on. Everyday I kept thinking and I kept asking Jesus to help me keep my mind on other things. Jesus helped me by reminding me of the street children and orphans I had vision for in the past. He reminded me that I didn't think about them anymore. He asked me why I didn't believe anymore for the vision that he gave me. The vision where I take care of street children and adopt children from orphanages. The vision where I go and take or send supplies and money and things that the children need to the safe houses in India or the orphanages in Russia. The vision that before took up all my thoughts and energy, that vision. The vision that I put on hold and forgot about when I met that man and started dreaming about him instead. I believe he is a good man but he is not what I need right now. Friendship is what I want but somehow our hearts got twined around each other real tight and I don't exactly know what else to do but let this whole relationship go and devote myself to what Jesus has called me to do at this time. I laid my Issac on the alter so to speak. I almost know how Abraham felt. To give Yahweh the only son ,the child he loved and counted dear. To lay Issac his only child on the alter and offer him to Yahweh. Abraham did it he laid him down and gave him up and right at the final moment Yahweh stopped him and let him keep Issac. This man I love he is the only man I have ever loved. I do not want to love any other man. I have not let myself love any other man. I have laid my only love on the alter. The only man I ever felt like I would marry without a second thought, that man. I gave him up to Yahweh with this prayer, "Yahweh I give you this man. I want to do the thing you have called me to do. Because of this assignment I have accepted from you if I don't get to love him and marry him please send him a good wife that loves Jesus that will love him and his children also. Take good care of him, give him grace because I love his soul and his children and I want them all to be saved and live with you one day." The hardest prayer I have ever prayed! The ultimate prayer of letting go. The prayer where I asked Yahweh to give my treasure to another if that's what it takes to fulfill the vision Jehovah breathed into my life. There is pain my soul, I am missing him. I am hoping beyond all hope that there is a ram in the thicket and that I will get my beloved back. I am hoping like Abraham that Jehovah-jireh will provide a lamb. I have peace even with this pain. I have peace and freedom to dream and believe the vision. When that first child comes home from the orphanage, when another safe house is opened, when those supplies are safely inside the walls of the places where they need to be I will have more joy then I will know what to do with. I will celebrate , write about it, and tell everyone that Jesus is faithful and that the things He asks us to do are the things that lead to true happiness!

Walking with my best friend

I was up early this morning. Talked to my best friend. He asked me to walk with him today. When I walk with him he always leads me gently like a good shepherd. Today he's going to make sure I have everything I need. I will eat the very best food and drink peaceful water. My soul has been troubled as of late; today he took that worry from me, my soul is whole again. As long as I follow him I will be walking on the right path because it's the only path he can lead me on, his name is righteousness. When I walk through scary places ; the ones that are so dark that I could actually die places, I will not be afraid of the evil things that could happen to me because my best friend will walk with me . He will have his rod and his staff because sometimes I get off the path so I will need to be reminded and my enemies are so lively he will need to fight them for me. This is comforting to me. Today he will make me look greatly loved, greatly blessed, and greatly cared for, right where my enemies can see me. He will bless me so much that I will not be able to hold it all. He will always be good to me, always be merciful to me as long as I live and one day I will go to where he lives and live there forever.

Personal translation of Psalm 23