I'm tired of the things that distract me...

Today something happened to me-- something good. I am sick and tired of the things that have been distracting me. The castle building in my mind, the foolish things I want, questioning the faithfulness of Jesus, making myself look good in my mind-- I'm sick of it. Jesus and I had a talk and he encouraged my heart with Isaiah 17. At first I was scared to read it. It is a warning, a big warning for me to take to heart. It is easy to get distracted. I hear the lies that the enemy breathes out of his mouth about my precious Jesus. Lies, sugar coated lies, I am sick of them. Distractions, anything and everything to separate me from the one who loves me most. I am sick of the distractions and myself. Jesus help me!

***

Isaiah 17:7-11

7-8Yes, the Day is coming when people will notice The One Who Made Them, take a long hard look at The Holy of Israel. They'll lose interest in all the stuff they've made—altars and monuments and rituals, their homemade, handmade religion—however impressive it is.
9And yes, the Day is coming when their fortress cities will be abandoned —the very same cities that the Hivites and Amorites abandoned when Israel invaded! And the country will be empty, desolate.
You Have Forgotten God 10-11And why? Because you have forgotten God-Your-Salvation, not remembered your Rock-of-Refuge.And so, even though you are very religious, planting all sorts of bushes and herbs and trees to honor and influence your fertility gods,And even though you make them grow so well, bursting with buds and sprouts and blossoms,Nothing will come of them. Instead of a harvest you'll get nothing but grief and pain, pain, pain.

Thank you my precious Jesus!

Thank you Jesus for leaving there and coming here to save us from this ugly dark place that we live in. Thank you for walking down here in the dirt with us and showing us that light can shine in darkness. Thank you for giving us hope and being gracious and loving us no matter what. Thank you for doing it with joy! I love you so much-- so very much! Thank you!

I feel like singing like Mary!

Mary's Song of Praise: The Magnificat

And Mary said, “My soul magnifies the Lord,

and my spirit rejoices in God my Savior,

for he has looked on the humble estate of his servant. For behold, from now on all generations will call me blessed;

for he who is mighty has done great things for me, and holy is his name.

And his mercy is for those who fear him from generation to generation.

He has shown strength with his arm; he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts;

he has brought down the mighty from their thrones and exalted those of humble estate;

he has filled the hungry with good things, and the rich he has sent away empty.

He has helped his servant Israel, in remembrance of his mercy,

as he spoke to our fathers, to Abraham and to his offspring forever.”

from: Luke 1

Overwhelmed!

Today I cried and cried with thankfulness and gratefulness to the Lord. I stood by the sliding glass door that looks out into the yard and I was overwhelmed with the goodness of Jesus and I broke into tears and cried. Last night I went to a church I have never been to before and three precious women laid hands on me and prayed for me and something happened to me. Something good--something very good! A huge weight dropped off of me. The thing that was hindering me for a long time is gone. I am overwhelmed. My heart is so full of gratefulness. I have been thinking all day about how wonderful Jesus is. How much adventure he has called me to. Choosing him as my best friend is the best decision I ever made. I am not tied down. I am free. Free to do what Heavenly Father has called me to do. Free to live. Free to breathe. Free to be who I am because of him. Unordinary! I am overwhelmed by the goodness of Jesus!

..more than all I ask or imagine!

Now to Him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work in us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever. Ephesians 3:20 "More than all I ask or imagine", I like that part. I like that part because I have a great imagination. I can imagine all kinds of good things. Today I went for a walk with the children and I thanked Jesus all the way there and back. I thanked him and Heavenly Father for being so gracious to me and listening to me and answering me and for giving me such a wonderful life. When I got home and put those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and chips on the table for those hungry children, I sat down. I sat down and I imagined a room full of gentlemen sitting around a large conference table haggling over how much they were going to pay me for my work. And I imagined Jesus and Father encouraging them, whispering, "pay her a good wage," "offer her a good contract." You see it is grand to imagine and then I read in Ephesians that Jesus can do more then I can ask or imagine. Well in that case imagine what I just imagined and then imagine even better then that till you can't imagine anymore, and that won't even be the beginning of what Father and Jesus can do. Whew!!! We are blessed beyond measure to have such goodness on our side! I have asked I have imagined and now I am waiting. I am going to get a happy surprise! Watch and see!

Jesus why?

Why do I keep searching?
when you are here with me
some days I search
it's a habit I think
because if I remember
how good you are to me
searching is stupid
what exactly am I looking for?
Jesus why do you keep waiting for me?
when I run off searching
you see me being habitually stupid
but you never call me that
you just wait
and call me precious one...
why?

Waiting...

i am waiting but i am not good at it
i will get better!
i've been reasoning things out
i can't see to the end of the road
Jesus can
i can't even see the next step at times
Jesus always can
sometimes i'm too scared to look down the road
Jesus is never afraid!
so what is my problem with waiting
as if what i want is going to be good for me
if I could see like Jesus sees
i would wait.....

Sin and my best friend...

sometimes i wonder why you put up with me

I have this besetting sin

that keeps besetting me

and you keep loving me

and encouraging me

to do better next time

I cant figure out for the life of me

why you don't kick me to the curb

and give up on me

like everybody else

this thing shames me

makes me afraid to talk to you again

makes me want to die

because I enjoy it too much

so why do you keep on loving me?

why are you still my best friend?

i wish you would just hate me

i wish you would just leave me

to die

so I could pay for this sin

i know you can't

because you tell me all the time

you absolutely love me

I will never figure it out

this love you have for me

I will never figure out

why

you still want to be

my best friend

To my best friend Jesus

Jesus I want to thank you for helping me today and always. Thank you for holding me together. Thank you for giving me hope against all hopelessness. I am so happy so very happy. You have blessed me beyond measure and I see another blessing coming a very big one and my heart is overwhelmed with your goodness. This year you saved my life when I was actually dying. You taught me to open my hands and give you things that were harmful to me. You replaced my broken treasures with rare jewels, people who love you with all their heart and soul. People who give me so much joy that I can't imagine life without them. Thank you! My heart sings every morning. You have given me a job that I absolutely love. I am so happy about my job, thank you! When I think about how you forgive me for all the stupid things I do; and never condemn me for any of them, I am in awe of you. You absolutely love me and I know it all the time, thank you! How you could leave that wonderful place called heaven and come down here and dwell among us in this darkness to save our dusty bodies I will never be able to understand. You are my hope. Thank you for holding me together. You give me joy. You love me no matter what. You gave up your life so that you could save mine. I am in awe of you. Thank you my precious Jesus, thank you!

Why Jesus is my best friend.

I've been in the dirt before

thrown down on my face

breathing dust

I can hear them laughing

"she's done it again"

I'm afraid to look up

I hear him,

he's talking softly,

he's writing,

he's breathing dust,

and writing something,

in the dirt

something that makes them

think twice

and slink away

and leave me

at the feet of the only one who can save me

Jesus

Today I need mercy

I am afraid today. I have unpleasant things to do like writing a letter to ask for mercy from someone who has treated me unjustly and making a phone call to ask for mercy to defer a payment on a bill. I also need to be merciful to someone who owes me money. My precious Jesus, mercy is what I need today all the way around. Could you talk to these people and persuade them to be merciful to me and Jesus help me to be merciful to the person who owes me money. I have been thinking of all the reasons I should be paid on time with no excuses, or else. "Or else", is not mercy. A persons soul is more important than money. Jesus I know you require mercy, help me to do what you've asked.

Jesus I need help especially today.

Jesus why can't I just get it through my head that I really don't need most of the things I think about. I'm always wanting something. Most of the time it's something that in the long run would ruin me. I am agonizing about this today because I am so tired of myself. Please help me Jesus because I have messed up enough already. I would like to do things right from now on. I need you to help me:

1. Help me stop fantasizing about the ideal man. I'm sure you have him already picked out and waiting, you're most likely waiting on me.
2. Stop me before I take one step off the path.
3. Please help me to believe all the good things you believe about me.
4. I'm giving you this whole list of things that I can do nothing about today; or ever, please take the list and fix everything like you always do.
5. I am worried please help me remember that you fix everything.
6. I feel unforgiving please remind me of how you have forgiven me so that I will be merciful.
7. I feel like a failure please remind me that you have more than enough grace for me.
8. Jesus you are my best friend I don't want to hurt you; forgive me because I know I already hurt you today, it's over that sin that so easily besets me, please deliver me!
9. I do so want to do what's right, Jesus change my heart.
10. Sin makes me old, make me new again.
11. I want to live in your house one day, keep me faithful.
12. I love you Jesus, thank you for helping me.