Respectable men

This morning I was reading Proverbs 31 about the virtuous woman. Today when I read it something caught my eye and challenged me to a new way of thinking. Always before I marveled at this genuinely good woman and made up my mind to imitate her. I read about her husband but I was always so busy pondering her goodness that I never gave him full thought. Today I stopped and thought in depth about what verse 23 says:

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Her husband is known in the gates,

When he sits among the elders of the land.

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How could I have missed that? I' have been asking Heavenly Father what exactly constitutes a good man. My heart is unreliable, deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. I can make myself believe everything good about anything if I want it bad enough. What I imagined to be a "good" man continuously fell short of Heavenly Father's standard. I have been thinking and thinking about this for quite a few weeks and Heavenly Father was kind enough to show me the wisdom that I needed. My conclusion: A good man is respected. He has the respect of people who are leaders. They value his opinions, his way of dressing, his ethics, his treatment of his family, his standards, what he has to say, everything that he is. They respect him because he is respectable. He has high standards. He is kind. He does not think of his wife as a sex object or a trophy. He respects her. He loves her because she is good. He loves his children. He loves people. He has a job that is respectable and worthy of honor. He works everyday and works hard. He does not expect a woman to carry him. He takes full responsibility for his family. He respects his wife's feelings. He comes home and acknowledges the existence of his children . When he talks to his children and plays with them he is gentle with them and genuinely enjoys interacting with them. He is respectable! I have to face it my standards have been low. I have allowed myself to think highly of men who do not possess even half of these standards. I have smoothed things over in my mind. Fantasized, made myself believe that somehow time will make everything alright. Telling myself "this guy is not so bad he will change if I'm good", as if "good" is contagious and can be caught like an illness. What am I thinking? Heavenly Father's standards are high. They are not caught, happened upon , learned at the last minute. They are lived and most definitely lived more then, "three long weeks". What have I been thinking? This is a matter of happiness or endless disappointment. How could I have missed it seeing that I have read Proverbs 31 so many times? I have come to believe that it has been due to the condition of my heart. I have been deceiving myself and not believing that there could possibly be anyone left who is absolutely respectable. I've been wanting to settle because I have wanted a man right now instead of wanting to wait for Heavenly Father's timing and respectable man. Respectable, that is the standard! Respectable! And in case you are anything like me and need a detailed, exhaustive description of what respectable means here it is straight from Merriam-Webster:

** Respectable
1: worthy of respect : estimable
2: decent or correct in character or behavior : proper

** Respect
1: a relation or reference to a particular thing or situation respect to an earlier plan>
2: an act of giving particular attention : consideration
3 a: high or special regard : esteem b: the quality or state of being esteemed

** Estimable
1: capable of being estimated estimable amount>
2archaic : valuable
3: worthy of esteem

**Proper
1 a: referring to one individual only b: belonging to one : own c: appointed for the liturgy of a particular day d: represented heraldically in natural color
2: belonging characteristically to a species or individual : peculiar
3chiefly dialect : good-looking, handsome
4: very good : excellent
5chiefly British : utter, absolute
6: strictly limited to a specified thing, place, or idea proper>
7 a: strictly accurate : correct barchaic : virtuous, respectable c: strictly decorous : genteel
8: marked by suitability, rightness, or appropriateness : fit

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**My prayer

Thank you Jesus for leading me down the right path. Thank you for saving me from making the biggest mistake of my life. Help me to wait on the man who is worthy of your respect first of all and then mine and others. Help me to think about truth and purity and respectability instead of fantasizing about castles and knights and white horses. Help me Jesus and save me from myself. Thanks.

silly things...

Sometimes I do such silly things. Jesus is still here listening to me giving me good advice and still wanting me to do what he has planned for my life. It's a great plan it brings all sorts of peace of mind and happiness so I'm going along with it but sometimes I will admit I get a little side tracked. I get my mind on silliness and I get stuck and today I was telling Jesus how I need him to help me keep my mind on what's at hand. The things worth thinking about. I am like a goofy child remembering all the places where I jumped in the mud puddles. Thinking about other puddle jumpers, silliness! So today Jesus is going to help me keep my mind on what I need to be doing to get where he has planned for me to go. He's a "mind saver," I am thankful for him!

I'm tired of the things that distract me...

Today something happened to me-- something good. I am sick and tired of the things that have been distracting me. The castle building in my mind, the foolish things I want, questioning the faithfulness of Jesus, making myself look good in my mind-- I'm sick of it. Jesus and I had a talk and he encouraged my heart with Isaiah 17. At first I was scared to read it. It is a warning, a big warning for me to take to heart. It is easy to get distracted. I hear the lies that the enemy breathes out of his mouth about my precious Jesus. Lies, sugar coated lies, I am sick of them. Distractions, anything and everything to separate me from the one who loves me most. I am sick of the distractions and myself. Jesus help me!

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Isaiah 17:7-11

7-8Yes, the Day is coming when people will notice The One Who Made Them, take a long hard look at The Holy of Israel. They'll lose interest in all the stuff they've made—altars and monuments and rituals, their homemade, handmade religion—however impressive it is.
9And yes, the Day is coming when their fortress cities will be abandoned —the very same cities that the Hivites and Amorites abandoned when Israel invaded! And the country will be empty, desolate.
You Have Forgotten God 10-11And why? Because you have forgotten God-Your-Salvation, not remembered your Rock-of-Refuge.And so, even though you are very religious, planting all sorts of bushes and herbs and trees to honor and influence your fertility gods,And even though you make them grow so well, bursting with buds and sprouts and blossoms,Nothing will come of them. Instead of a harvest you'll get nothing but grief and pain, pain, pain.

Confessions of a worrying woman....

Today I wasted a lot of time worrying. Worrying and beating myself up about decisions I have made in the past. Worrying and fretting and anxiously trying to reason out situations in my mind as if I can fix any of them. I worked myself into an emotional state complete with tears and extreme grief of spirit. I told myself that I had a right to grieve over my situation. Poor Jesus he had to witness me in that state of complete distrust and forgetfulness. I acted as though Heavenly Father had left and Jesus was no longer listening. I feel foolish writing this. I will tell you something about Jesus. He does not condemn me when I act like this , he lovingly waits for me to calm down so that I can hear what he has to say to my heart. That is what happened today. I did not get an answer till close to this afternoon because I was worrying out loud and I couldn't hear him. The answer came so softly. On top of that I received an email from a true friend who told me to stop thinking useless thoughts and go on in the grace of Jesus. I can't believe I am sharing this with the world but here it is. Tonight I received a devotional from Internet cafe and what do you think the scripture was?

Philippians 4:6-9

-7Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.
8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.
The Message (MSG)
Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson

Jesus comforted me on every side. He said encouraging things to my heart. He sent me messages of peace through my precious friend and through the Internet cafe. He did not forget me. He patiently listened even when I was tempted to believe he was not listening. He listened and he answered me despite my doubting. In all my anxiousness Jesus never condemns me. We are best friends forever I'm sure you can see why! My prayer: Jesus please help me think about good things, wonderful things, things that make me happy. Help me to think only good when I think of people. Jesus take this silly worry and give me peace of mind. Help me to believe that I can trust you with my life and everything in it, even the messes. Thank you Jesus. **C

Waiting...

i am waiting but i am not good at it
i will get better!
i've been reasoning things out
i can't see to the end of the road
Jesus can
i can't even see the next step at times
Jesus always can
sometimes i'm too scared to look down the road
Jesus is never afraid!
so what is my problem with waiting
as if what i want is going to be good for me
if I could see like Jesus sees
i would wait.....

Jesus help me wait....

I am here
waiting anxiously for something I think I want
something I think I need
and Jesus is telling me not to be anxious for anything
he's telling me to wait
wait on him
to work things out
to put things together
to work all things for my good
because I have been called
to do the things he has planned for me

Jesus help me to wait
take this anxiousness away
give me peace about everything

Jesus, please can I have it?
if it's best for me please?
okay I will wait.....:)

Sin and my best friend...

sometimes i wonder why you put up with me

I have this besetting sin

that keeps besetting me

and you keep loving me

and encouraging me

to do better next time

I cant figure out for the life of me

why you don't kick me to the curb

and give up on me

like everybody else

this thing shames me

makes me afraid to talk to you again

makes me want to die

because I enjoy it too much

so why do you keep on loving me?

why are you still my best friend?

i wish you would just hate me

i wish you would just leave me

to die

so I could pay for this sin

i know you can't

because you tell me all the time

you absolutely love me

I will never figure it out

this love you have for me

I will never figure out

why

you still want to be

my best friend

Jesus I need help especially today.

Jesus why can't I just get it through my head that I really don't need most of the things I think about. I'm always wanting something. Most of the time it's something that in the long run would ruin me. I am agonizing about this today because I am so tired of myself. Please help me Jesus because I have messed up enough already. I would like to do things right from now on. I need you to help me:

1. Help me stop fantasizing about the ideal man. I'm sure you have him already picked out and waiting, you're most likely waiting on me.
2. Stop me before I take one step off the path.
3. Please help me to believe all the good things you believe about me.
4. I'm giving you this whole list of things that I can do nothing about today; or ever, please take the list and fix everything like you always do.
5. I am worried please help me remember that you fix everything.
6. I feel unforgiving please remind me of how you have forgiven me so that I will be merciful.
7. I feel like a failure please remind me that you have more than enough grace for me.
8. Jesus you are my best friend I don't want to hurt you; forgive me because I know I already hurt you today, it's over that sin that so easily besets me, please deliver me!
9. I do so want to do what's right, Jesus change my heart.
10. Sin makes me old, make me new again.
11. I want to live in your house one day, keep me faithful.
12. I love you Jesus, thank you for helping me.

Wisdom

New Century Version (NCV)
The Holy Bible, New Century Version®. Copyright © 2005 by Thomas Nelson, Inc.

Proverbs 8

Listen to Wisdom. Wisdom calls to you like someone shouting; understanding raises her voice. On the hilltops along the road and at the crossroads, she stands calling. Beside the city gates, at the entrances into the city, she calls out: "Listen, everyone, I'm calling out to you; I am shouting to all people. You who are uneducated, seek wisdom. You who are foolish, get understanding. Listen, because I have important things to say, and what I tell you is right. What I say is true, I refuse to speak evil. Everything I say is honest; nothing I say is crooked or false. People with good sense know what I say is true; and those with knowledge know my words are right. Choose my teachings instead of silver, and knowledge rather than the finest gold. Wisdom is more precious than rubies. Nothing you could want is equal to it. "I am wisdom, and I have good judgment. I also have knowledge and good sense. If you respect the Lord, you will also hate evil. I hate pride and bragging, evil ways and lies. I have good sense and advice, and I have understanding and power. I help kings to govern and rulers to make fair laws. Princes use me to lead, and so do all important people who judge fairly. I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me. Riches and honor are mine to give. So are wealth and lasting success. What I give is better than the finest gold, better than the purest silver. I do what is right and follow the path of justice. I give wealth to those who love me, filling their houses with treasures. "I, wisdom, was with the Lord when he began his work, long before he made anything else. I was created in the very beginning, even before the world began. I was born before there were oceans, or springs overflowing with water, before the hills were there, before the mountains were put in place. God had not made the earth or fields, not even the first dust of the earth. I was there when God put the skies in place, when he stretched the horizon over the oceans, when he made the clouds above and put the deep underground springs in place. I was there when he ordered the sea not to go beyond the borders he had set. I was there when he laid the earth's foundation. I was like a child by his side. I was delighted every day, enjoying his presence all the time, enjoying the whole world, and delighted with all its people. "Now, my children, listen to me, because those who follow my ways are happy. Listen to my teaching, and you will be wise; do not ignore it. Happy are those who listen to me, watching at my door every day, waiting at my open doorway. Those who find me find life, and the Lord will be pleased with them. Those who do not find me hurt themselves. Those who hate me love death."